4 signs that you’re doubting yourself
How to overcome fear and self-doubt in 8 steps
We all experience feelings of self-doubt from time to time, whether we’re starting a new job, taking a test, or playing a sport. That’s perfectly normal.
The definition of self-doubt is experiencing feelings of uncertainty about one or more aspects of yourself.
A certain low level of self-criticism can be a good source of motivation. It use may inspire you to work harder and hone your skills to increase your confidence. But too much doubt and fear can hold you from performing well and reaching your full potential.
Though it does take time, you can overcome your doubts. BetterUp is here to help you do that. Through dedication and hard work, we give you the tools you need to embrace your beautiful, authentic self.
What is self-doubt?
Self-doubt is a lack of confidence regarding yourself and your abilities. It’s a mindset that holds you back from succeeding and believing in yourself. Humility is a healthy character trait to have, but if it’s at your own expense, it’s no longer beneficial.
William Shakespeare once said, “Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” Basically, that means doubt makes us quit.
The cause of self-doubt
There are many things that can cause a person to doubt themselves. Although the most useful thing is to learn how to work around your self-doubt, it can be helpful to understand what causes it.
Here are some of the common factors that lead to self-doubt. Think of these as possible explanations to help you stop beating yourself up for having doubt. For most people, trying to pinpoint exactly why they have doubt is less important than overcoming it.
- Narcissistic parents
Often, we’re scared of repeating our parents’ mistakes and might be overly cautious in specific decisions as a result. But if your parents are narcissistic or arrogant, you may swing to the extreme. In response to your parents’ characteristics, you may become too modest or unconfident. You may question your own actions. This makes it hard to accept praise.
- The “drill sergeant approach”
Showing yourself “tough love” can be an effective motivator as it urges you to work harder the next time. But repeatedly criticizing yourself does far more harm than good. Self-sabotage from overworking and a fear of becoming lazy or “soft” can arise if this behavior continues.
- Past experiences
There’s truth to the saying “the past can haunt us.” Our experiences shape who we are and how we see others and the world. Lots of us struggle to let go. Failures and setbacks from the past can leave us overwhelmed with self-doubt.
- Fear of failure and fear of success
The fear of falling short and disappointing others is just as real as the fear of being unable to replicate our past successes. We might think it was luck that got us this far instead of our talents if we’re filled with doubt.
Types of self-doubt
Self-doubt often manifests in three forms.
The first is imposter syndrome, or the illogical fear of others seeing you as a fraud or undeserving of your accomplishments.
Next is self-sabotage, which refers to undermining yourself, your values, and your goals.
The third is indecisiveness or struggling to make big and small decisions due to worries that whatever path you choose will be wrong.
All of these things erode your self-esteem over time, and the negativity with which you view yourself increases.
4 signs that you’re doubting yourself
Common indications that you may be dealing with self-doubt in your personal or professional life include:
- You can’t accept compliments from others, and you can’t give yourself credit
- You constantly seek reassurance
- You have low self-esteem
- You feel like you’re never good enough
How to overcome fear and self-doubt in 8 steps
Here are some good habits for you to keep in mind to stop doubting yourself:
- Practice self-compassion
Self-doubt means that you’re holding yourself back. It arises from the fear of making a mistake, but mistakes are how we grow and improve our own abilities. Look at yourself in the mirror and say three positive affirmations at the beginning of every day.
- Think back to your past achievements
Self-reflection is a fantastic tool; it reminds us that we’re capable of what we want to achieve. But living in the past can take away from the present moment. Learning from what’s happened — not dwelling on the bad — and focusing on using the lessons you’ve learned from those times to improve the present is what truly matters.
- Try not to compare yourself to others
Self-doubt can also arise when you measure yourself up against a family member, colleague, or even a celebrity. Everyone’s life is different, and someone else excelling doesn’t mean you don’t have any strengths. Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on yourself — it’s one of the best ways to stay happy and accomplish your dreams.
- Spend your time with supportive people
Being around people who put us down is one of the worst things for our mental health. Some people won’t support you, but others absolutely will. Spend your time with people who make you feel good; they can build you up when you’re struggling to encourage yourself.
- Remember, you are your biggest inner critic
No one holds us to a higher standard than ourselves. You wouldn’t put down your mother for not being chosen for a job or your sister for not receiving top marks on her school essay, so why do that to yourself? Apologizing to yourself is one of the most important steps toward healing and moving forward.
- Seek professional help
It’s okay to ask for help, especially if self-doubt is a persistent obstacle that you’re facing. Talking about our feelings and insecurities allows us to unburden ourselves and be heard.
- Start journaling
Make an effort to record what you’re thankful for and what you’re proud of doing each day. Your journal may cover everything from earning a promotion at work or remembering to do the dishes. The more frequently you practice loving yourself, the easier it gets.
- Be skeptical of your thoughts
You aren’t your thoughts. Question how accurate or helpful they are. Negative thinking is a mental habit that consumes us more than it should. You can undo your habits, too. It just takes patience and commitment.
BetterUp is a human transformation company that champions personal growth, social connections, and mental fitness. We emphasize a conscious shift in thinking, from reactive to proactive, to open up a realm of opportunities. We won’t sugar coat it — it takes work to improve, but the effort is worth it. We’re here to guide you and empower you into becoming the very best person you can be.
10 Tips to Overcome Self-Doubt
October 29, 2020
About Self-Doubt
It’s normal to experience feelings of doubt when we are faced with new or challenging situations. Self-doubt is characterized by feelings of uncertainty regarding one or more aspects of the self. It is something that we all may experience at certain times in our lives. However, when it becomes debilitating for us, that’s when we may need more tools to overcome self-doubt.
Self-doubt may stem from previous negative experiences or from attachment style issues. Those with insecure attachments may have experience being criticized, that can contribute to self-doubt later in life. If someone has been told in the past that they’re “not good enough” or incapable of something, then this can have a large negative effect on their self-worth. We also have a deep societal pressure to achieve, which can be more harmful than motivating for us.
If persistent self-doubt is not addressed, it can lead to:
Procrastination or lack of motivation
Emotional instability
Low self-esteem
Difficulty making decisions
What is Imposter Syndrome?
Imposter syndrome goes hand-in-hand with self-doubt. Psychologists describe it as the experience of feeling like a fraud, despite having achieved success. Imposter syndrome is something that is especially felt among women and minority groups. With imposter syndrome, it can limit our courage to put ourselves out there in a meaningful way or go after new opportunities. It causes people to experience self-doubt about if they are “qualified enough” or doing “well enough,” in a job, a relationship, a friendship, as a parent, or any other activity (even though they usually are).
Self-doubt and imposter syndrome can have a significant negative effect on someone’s self-esteem. However, there are ways to combat these feelings and become more confident in ourselves and our abilities.
How to Overcome Self-Doubt
1- Practice Self-Compassion
If self-doubt is holding you back from taking a leap with your career or in another aspect of your life, it helps to remember that we are all human. We all make mistakes along the way and it’s okay to do so. When we doubt our abilities, it’s often because we don’t want to make any room for mistakes. However, mistakes are also how we learn and grow. We can mitigate self-doubt and fear of failure by practicing being kind to ourselves, no matter the outcome.
2- Remember Your Past Achievements
Remember when you may have been scared to do something, in school or work, but it actually ended up going really well? It helps to reflect on concrete achievements where something challenging for us turned into something great. A lot of achievements are born out of initial uncertainty or doubt. It helps to remind ourselves about the times that things have gone right, because the same thing could happen in the present moment.
On the flip side, it’s good to not focus too much on the past or past failures we might have had. The present moment is a new opportunity to do well, even if things didn’t go right the first time.
3- Try to Not Compare Yourself to Others
They say that comparison is the thief of joy. This saying rings true in many ways. If you’re experiencing self-doubt because you’re afraid you won’t accomplish something at the same level as someone else, then it can be a paralyzing feeling. Everyone’s journey and ideas of success are different. What we can control and focus on is our own path and where we want to take it, regardless of where other people are at or what they have done.
4- Be Mindful of Your Thinking
When negative thoughts begin to creep in, sometimes they are hard to recognize because we become so used to them. Imposter syndrome thrives off of these negative thoughts that tell us that we aren’t worthy of the place we’re at or that we won’t produce good work. Next time these thoughts persist, take a moment and ask yourself if you really believe that they are true. Consider how positive thinking may shift your mindset and allow you to be more confident in your abilities.
5- Spend Time With Supportive People
The friends and family members in our lives who believe in us and everything that we’re capable of will always be on our side. When you’re feeling self-doubt, surround yourself with these people. They can remind you of how talented and resilient you are during times when you’re not feeling that way about yourself.
6- Find Validation From Within
While it’s great to feel reassured from others that we are doing a good job or that we are capable of accomplishing a difficult task, it’s equally important to have our own faith in ourselves. Constant reassurance doesn’t mean much if we still don’t believe in ourselves. Even if we aren’t the most confident about where we’re at, it’s good to practice being accepting of our strengths and all that we have to offer.
7- Remember That You’re The Harshest Critic
Would you doubt a friend who took on a new job or for the way they parent their kids the same way that you doubt yourself.? The answer is likely no. We will always be the harshest critic for ourselves. It’s a nice reminder to treat ourselves with the same kindness and compassion that we have for others, instead of being so critical on ourselves.
8- Identify Your Values
Take a moment to assess your values and what matters most to you. It may be that you’re kind to others, you’re a good friend, or that you contribute to something meaningful in your life. When we recognize these values and what truly matters to us, the fear of criticism from others falls by the wayside. And when we live aligned with our values, it doesn’t feel as detrimental to be criticized or make mistakes.
9- Keep a Journal
Journaling is always a therapeutic exercise to practice. Writing down your thoughts of self-doubt or experiences with imposter syndrome onto paper might be a good release. You may even realize after you see your concerns written down, that they may not be as detrimental as you thought they were. This can help to gradually overcome self-doubt.
10-Seek Professional Help
It may help to see a mental health professional to overcome self-doubt if these feelings persist to the point that makes it difficult for you to function in everyday life. Therapy can help us feel understood and give us tools to alleviate feelings of doubt. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a popular form of therapy that can help specifically with self-doubt. With CBT, we can learn methods to challenge problematic ways of thinking that may lead to an improved mood and overall well-being. If you’re interested in meeting with a therapist at Eugene Therapy to help overcome self-doubt, you can request an appointment today.
